Here i am blogging! Coz im gettting scolded by people. haha.. wah act famous only ah. haha!

So anyway, honestly, i dun really noe wad to blog. I only feel that.. Internship.. is something different from what ive imagined it to be. So far.

I dun even have any strong initial idea of it.. coz im just a really confused child and i dun even noe wad im gonna grow up to be. Fantasies... such as being a millionaire's child so i dun ever need to work, a singer, actress, professional, etc existed. But thats' just dreaming.

I'm so confused at times that i cant even think coherently, feel scared for no reason, feel like crying, or feel sick inside me. Just like right now. Or that just might be the car ride.. which im feeling car sick.

I dun like certain things, but i dun make the effort to change that. Or at least i think i cant change it and that it'll happen soon enough.

My friends.. one at least. told me that im strong. coz im all alone. or the rest at least hinted. Am i really? I dunnoe. I feel ok, but then i can get scared, frustrated and everything else soon again.

I've seen all sorts of people lately. the fake pretentious ones, the really piss me off ones, the ones im scared of, the ones i wanna impress *i dunnoe y i wanna do it either. im gonna be honest on this one. are bosses really there for u to impress? or that u just feel u have to impress them? or that u just do it? i dunnoe. but somehow in me, i destest certain things they say, yet i nod adn smile at them. am i pretentious? or being politically safe? or just trying to survive? i find it so gross and dirty and everything. i wanna rid myself of this feeling. but i dunnoe how to.*, the ones i feel awkward around, the ones i feel really close to.

All are interesting, all are a part of my life. i suppose life is such. u dun get to choose who u wanna meet, rather it just happens. be it for the better or worse. but i dislike fake people. but then again, i will think of my own actions and findd them fake myself. this is getting confusing.

im feeling sick right now. like in the bottom of my stomach. so much i wanna puke. im nt feeling emo. just a lil arm sore and sick in the stomach. and anything else but emo. coz i feel mixed up. tts the word to use.

if u ask me if i miss my fam and friends, sure i do like hell. but then again, there are times when i either get so tired, happy, angry or busy that i actually momentarily forget them. is this natural? but the next time i tok to them online, and they say happenings in singapore or anything else, i feel sad, loved, and missing them.

ive gone shopping, feeling happy, buying things, then suddenly realizng that... i have no need for these things at all. its just that in that moment that ive bought them, i feel happy and a strong neeed for them. is this wads called retail therapy? or is it just trying to preoccupy myself?

i was gonna write.. theres so many things that my friends dun noe about me. but then again.. whats it? i feel so crazy. like how i feel so irritated when some people keep saying im dhl, but then there a mixed feeling of feeling happy that im being recognized for my effort. like how i wanna help others, and then theres the feeling of them finding me helpful, and the feeling of me honestly wanting to help. i feel pretentious and yet at the same time, i really wanna help. like from the bottom of my heart. can anyone tell me if this is even normal? or is it just my screwed up self?

emotions.. are a cool, scary, evil, frightening, good thing. they can harm, help, hurt, love a person. They distinguish us and our moments, but they can harm and kill people.

would it have been better if the creator had not created emotions? but then again life wouldnt be half as interesting.

there are two sides to a coin. likewise to a thinking. to a perception. to a situation. to a person.

this is so confusing, frustrating, mad, crazy. haha.

im sorry u had to read this! and im nt being emo still trust me. in fact.. can anyone tell me honestly wads being emo? i dun noe anymore.

i dunnoe how to end this, so thats it. haha..

syLvie

visited by an angel at 2:18 AM

0kisses of an angel

Thursday, October 19, 2006